We move as the seasons change
by darveysecretsanta2018
Summary: Darvey story told through three Christmases spent together: 2005, 2015 and 2020. Romance/angst/family


**Prompt by Franziska ( Fezzes): **Darvey story told through three Christmases spent together: 2005, 2015 and 2025 (years may be altered slightly to fit the story as long as it's early years Christmas, S4-6 Christmas and post-series future Christmas)

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_Theirs is a love that spans decades, a long twisted road of destructive beauty and heartache. And at the centre of their tentative steps towards eternity remains each Christmas, each changed perspective or stolen moment that makes their story so epic._

_._

2005

Their first Christmas together is a few months after Donna glides into his life, the living portrayal of grace and charm. She changes his life, even if he doesn't realise it, slowly pulling him away from the set path into uncharted waters every moment she stays in his life.

The DA is not big on Christmas, the festivities limited to the questionable eggnog smuggled in by Bertha and the brittle, old biscuits from the break room. Day is shrouded by the night as darkness casts her spell across the offices. They sit in the middle of the bullpen, the normally bustling area now abandoned as midnight draws near. Donna's heels lie some distance away, the shoes abandoned in favour of comfort as she rests them across Harvey's legs, reaching for the bottle of whiskey they had stolen from Cameron's office.

Harvey watches as she takes a swig, his eyes preoccupied by some hidden emotion as she turns her attention back to him, a faint smile gracing her lips.

"Penny for your thoughts ?"

He laughs softly, reaching across her legs for the whiskey. She leans forward, groaning at the effort as he shakes his head, eyes glittering with amusement as he allows the amber liquid past his lips.

"Nothing interesting really, just random thoughts."

"The great Harvey Specter, boring ? I must be going crazy."

He throws a balled up document at her head, smirking at her outcry of mock rage as she grabbed the crumpled paper, eyes glinting. Harvey is prepared for her to throw it back at him, a cocky smile painted on his face as he braces himself. He is not prepared for the mass of red hair as she launches herself at him. The arrogant smile is wiped off his face as they tumble backwards, Harvey landing on the ground with a groan as Donna lands on top of him. She giggles drunkenly, freckled skin lit up by pale moonlight as she stares down at him, hair falling forward to create a curtain around them. His laugh trails off as he meets her gaze, one arm reaching up to hold hers, steadying her as she smiles softly, a faint flush creeping up her neck. Harvey stares at her, taking in every feature and committing it to memory as if she could slip away at any moment if he wasn't careful. Her breaths ghost his face as they remain in their own sanctuary, time frozen in stasis. He leans forward, the buzz of whiskey making him reckless, fuelling him onwards as he sits up slightly, one hand tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She pauses slightly, sensible till the very end, eyes barely hiding uncertainty as she rests a hand on his chest.

"Harvey, we shouldn't."

"But we can."

"No, we can't."

She laughs then, barely audible as she regards him fondly, tracing patterns on his sternum with a painted nail before exhaling and climbing off him. She stumbles slightly, walking towards her shoes as she pulls them on, one by one before standing on shaky legs, eyes hooded as she looks down at him, a smile crossing her lips as she walks away from him before turning back, the action resembling an afterthought as she looks around the empty bullpen before her gaze comes to rest on him.

"Merry Christmas Harvey."

Her lips twitch before she turns and walks out of view. He runs a hand through his hair, sobriety hitting him like a truck as he stares after her, thoughts racing as he takes a swig out of the whiskey bottle, draining it to completion.

2015

In the years that follow, Christmas Eve becomes a ritual for them, whiskey and mince pies and talking long into the night while wearing those shitty paper hats becomes tradition, a grounding point. But now he sits alone in his office, staring at the empty desk outside.

Stacks of overdue paperwork sprawl across his desk in disarray as he refuses to fill them out. Refuses to accept that Donna is gone, to accept that he would have to learn how to do these things alone. He looks away from the desk, choosing to focus on the whiskey he'd bought in anticipation of their evening, days before Donna had handed in her official resignation, before all this had started.

He looks up as the door swings open and Donna steps into the room, a faint smile flitting across her features as she closes the door behind her. Harvey tenses, watching as she takes a seat opposite him, staring silently as she places two glasses on the table between them. A faint smirk flits across his features as she meets his gaze in silent challenge. Harvey pours the whiskey into both glasses and they drink in dangerous silence, daring the other to speak first and shatter this semblance of peace.

"Harvey."

It makes sense to him that Donna is the one to force them out of this pretence, to bring them both back to reality and he resists the urge to laugh, instead leaning back in his seat and bringing his gaze up to her.

"We need to talk about this."

Alcohol serves as a conductor for anger as it flows through his veins, her words serving as a reminder for all the events of the past few weeks. He curls his fingers into fists as he watches her expression go from pleading to one of mild annoyance.

"Talk about how you abandoned me you mean ?"

Donna laughs bitterly, eyes dark as she shakes her head, staring pointedly at her empty glass.

"I should've known you wouldn't be able to deal with this like a mature adult."

"Donna you left me. You left me and went to work for Louis. How do you want me to deal with this ?"

She stands, eyes blazing as she folds her arms over her chest. Her skin is flushed from the whiskey, hair shining like burnished copper in the dim lighting and her beauty does not slip by Harvey unnoticed. He refuses to dwell on it, to let himself go down that road. Because to go down that road would be destruction, would destroy the very foundation of their friendship. So instead he chooses rage and he chooses betrayal. It is all too easy to let hurt blind him and for once he has no desire to fight it.

"God Harvey I don't know, maybe instead of acting like a complete ass maybe trying to understand why I left ?"

He knows he is being selfish, rude and quite possibly ruining any chance he and Donna have at reconciling but it is too late for him to go back. He's chosen this path to follow and he has every intention of seeing it through.

"And why is that Donna, enlighten me."

"Because I can't do this any more Harvey. I cannot work with someone who shuts everyone out. I can't work with someone who refuses to let people in only to cling to the few friends they have left with false admissions of love."

"I wasn't lying when I said I loved you Donna, I was trying to make you feel better."

"And if you really thought that saying that would help then I feel sorry for you because you are so closed off, so damaged that you have forgotten how to be a decent human being and that is worse than anything you could ever say to me."

"I don't want your pity Donna."

He lies because it is easy, it is simple and because he does not know how to respond. They are standing inches apart, close enough for Harvey to be able to feel the warmth of her breaths as she looks down. Silence falls and Harvey's breaths slow, sobering as his thoughts catch up with him, as Donna's words attack a part of him he has tried so hard to push away, a part so deep inside him he almost forgot it existed. He masks it well, pushing hurt away and replacing it with misplaced anger.

"And when you said you loved me? Was that a lie too?"

His words are quiet, barely audible over the deafening silence that has descended over them. Donna shifts slightly, tucking a stray curl behind her ear as she turns away, not fast enough to hide the tears that threaten to fall.

"Of course it wasn't a lie Harvey."

It is one of those rare circumstances in which Harvey does not know how to reply, what to do next, completely at a loss for words as the boundaries they had set all those years ago are completely obliterated.

"Oh."

He knows from the moment the word leaves his lips that this was not the wisest approach, silently cursing his stupid brain as Donna turns, eyes blazing with rage.

"God you are such a dickhead."

"Donna-"

"Save it. I'm done trying to fix this."

She turns to leave and Harvey loses the ability to breathe as he watches another person he loves walk away from him. Panic seizes him, all-consuming as blood rushes through his ear and he reaches out, fingertips grazing Donna's wrist. She stops, freezing in her tracks as Harvey pulls his hand back towards himself, breaths returning to normal.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't even know what you've done."

She sounds tired, defeated, her voice quiet as she turns away from the door, refusing to meet Harvey's eyes. It hurts that she doesn't look at him the same way anymore, happiness and love replaced by pain and heartbreak. He moves towards her, the knot in his stomach loosening when she doesn't immediately back away. Her eyes flit downwards as he brushes a stray tear from her face, her breaths warm against his face. She leans into his touch imperceptibly and something inside him shatters, ruining any remainder of self-preservation as he leans forward, closing the distance between them. His lips graze hers, heart racing and the it seems as though everything has slipped into place, a constantly shifting paradigm finally, finally settling. He bends down to kiss her again only to be stopped as Donna presses a hand against his chest, pressing firmly as she steps away, cold filling the space she used to be.

"It's over, Harvey."

A laugh that sounds all too much like a choked sob escapes his lips as she takes the final steps away from him, all but running out of the office as Harvey just stands there, legs threatening to give way to the floor as anguish settles into the pit of his stomach. Donna was gone. She had left. And this time she wasn't coming back.

His breathing is rough, hard as he falls into his chair, chest tightening as his thoughts fall into disarray, blood roaring in his ears as his hands shake. He faintly registers the bottle of whiskey falling from his desk as he reaches for it, the glass shattering on the floor as the liquid runs out onto the floor. He gasps, soundlessly fighting for air as his fingers curl around the desk, gripping tightly in an attempt to stop his hands shaking.

She was gone and it was all his fault.

It is only afterwards, when his thoughts begin to make sense and he can breathe again that he stands again, fatigue overcoming his senses as he picks glass shards from the floor. He would start the search for a new secretary when he came to work the next morning.

2020

He didn't like thinking about the tension and fighting that dominated a good five years of their relationship, much preferring to focus on the better parts. If he had learnt anything from the years spent fighting it was that there was no point in trying to push away your feelings or spending your life hoping for a lost cause.

He still wasn't used to the warmth that spread over him every time he heard the words "Mrs Specter", and the rush of joy he felt when he realised that he would spend the rest of his life with Donna, that they were finally, finally together, he was happy and so was she.

He turned as he heard footsteps behind him, an easy smile coming to his lips as Donna walked towards him.

"Merry Christmas Mr Specter."

He laughed as Donna looked up at him, looping her arms around his neck as she pulled her lips down to his. He smiled against the kiss, resting his forehead against her own as they stood in their own little bubble. Donna stepped back, eyes dancing with light as she reached into her purse.

"So, I have a present for you."

She pressed a rectangular shaped box into his hands, a tight smile on her features as he grinned, deftly undoing the ribbon that held the box together.

"Oh really ? Well Mrs Specter, I have to say I-"

He stopped short, the words frozen before they could ever leave his mouth as he stared down at the contents of the blue box. The pregnancy test lay on top of the coloured tissue, the positive clear as day on the tiny screen.

"You're-?"

Donna laughed nervously, nodding slightly, eyes downcast as she looked away.

"Yeah."

A smile spread across his face, an exhilarated laugh bubbling out of his lips as he wrapped his arms around Donna's waist, drawing her close as he traced the curve of her jawline with his thumb, eyes glinting with happiness.

"We're going to have a kid."

Donna's eyes shone with tears, a smile playing on her lips as she nodded.

"We're going to have a kid."

He laughed again, bending down to brush his lips against Donna's, interlacing her fingers with his own as he struggled to keep the smile of his face and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Merry Christmas Donna Specter."


End file.
